Finding Your Way Through Feelings of Defeat

I found myself feeling completely defeated day in and day out over a situation I gave God a big fat “yes” to take on. I was determined from the beginning to make it work. I would get up each day, put my fresh foot forward. I’d fake the smile and push the positive attitude as hard as I could. All awhile, inside my heart was screaming with defeat.

As an evening turned to dark, I found those words my heart had been screaming for weeks cross my tongue and out of my mouth for my ears to hear.

” I Don’t Want To Do This Anymore”

It had been a hard day. An – I want to throw in the towel – kind of day. You see, for weeks my heart had been saying what my mouth was now admitting. However, I pushed it aside as if my Heavenly Father didn’t know already. I didn’t want to admit it to Him. He is the one who gave me this challenge.

” I said “yes” to Him, right? How could I dare take it back now? Who does that? “

It was in that moment and days to come that God taught me so much about the feelings of defeat I was feeling. I thought, “If I feel this way at times, surely someone else does too?” If that’s you, I hope you can relate.

Be Authentic and Unfiltered with God

Your heart is what it is. Yes, the Lord will mold your heart and make you new when you ask Him in. However, the Christian life is a journey. One in which, our heavenly Father molds and makes us just like a potter does with clay. We aren’t always going to get it right. We aren’t always going to have good days. But, the first step in making it right is to be brutally honest with Him.

I don’t know about you but I find myself in prayer withholding certain things as if it’s a secret for Him to not know. It comes from a feeling of shame and guilt. And as I spoke of above, I had told Him “yes” so I felt guilty in feeling as though I was an Indian giver, asking Him to take it back. Nevertheless, I always fail to remember He already knows.

Being brutally honest, authentic, and unfiltered with God doesn’t help Him at all. The person it helps is YOU. It is step one in moving on. (read that again)

As those words, ” I don’t want to do this anymore” left my lips, I not longer felt the guilt. I immediately felt His peace.

Shut Up and Listen

Now that you’ve been brutally honest, shut up and listen. Go back to the New testament. Read about Jesus. What was He? He was a teacher. He spoke in parables and taught everywhere He went. He is still a teacher (He never changes, right?) So, right now, in your heart (if you’re a Christian)- He wants to teach you a better way but, you have to listen.

As I laid there that night, sort of in shock as to what I had finally admitted to Him, His instructions began. It wasn’t a “Thou shall do this” dictatorship type curriculum. No, it was a “I want you to understand why you are feeling so defeated.”

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

That scripture immediately filled my mind. He allowed me to see only by His peace that came over me in that moment, that even though my thoughts of defeat are real, He is still working it out. I need to push through because it will all be for my good in the end.

Defeat Doesn’t Mean God’s Not Working

Over the days to come, the thoughts of purification filled my mind. I began to read about how gold gets purified. It’s a real interesting process and it’s no coincidence that the process to purify gold is so relatable to the process God uses to purify His children.

Gold, when extracted has impurities that need to be removed in order to make the gold worth any value. The extracted gold gets put into a fire. During this process the gold turns into a liquid (molten) state when it reaches it’s highest temperature. At that time, the impurities can separate from the gold. Once the gold cools, it returns back to the state it once was and is now a higher quality metal than it was prior to the fire.

“Fire tests the purity of silver and gold, but the Lord tests the heart.” Proverbs 17:3

While you are in the fire, even when it’s a fire you said “yes” to God on – you may feel defeated. Your mental, physical, and emotional state may have changed momentarily. Just like the gold in the molten state, you especially notice the weakness when the fire is at it’s hottest. Don’t lose hope when you are here. That is the exact place where God is changing you. It seems like defeat but once you are removed from the fire, you will be a better version of yourself than you were before. You’ll be a higher quality, more valuable asset to the Kingdom of God that He will use for His glory.

God reminded me of this. It’s all for my good. I will come out more valuable (spiritually) than I was before.

“Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” James 1: 2-4

Check Yourself

If you find yourself feeling defeated like I did and quite often still do- check yourself.

• Are you being brutally honest, authentic, and unfiltered with your heavenly Father?
  • If the answer is no (mine always is) then start there
• Shut up and Listen
  • He wants to teach you through this fire- You have to listen.
• Remember He is at work when it doesn’t seem like He is
• Gold must go through the fire to reach it’s highest value. You, my friend, do too.

Defeat is not a fun place to be. It’s especially hard when you are trying to be a willing, obedient servant to Him. You aren’t alone in feeling this way. I pray what God has taught me helps you as you go through this fire.

Love you friends

Erika