Pray That My Faith Stays Strong

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:38-39 NIV

My parents divorced when I was 11 months old. My father was granted full custody, but it was his parents that took on the job of raising my 23 day old brother and me. At 47 years old, taking on 2 infants couldn’t have been an easy job, but I never heard my grandparents complain.

 My grandfather was a retired coal miner, which meant we lived on a fixed income. We didn’t have name brand clothes or fancy toys, but we never did without anything that we needed. My grandfather was a devout Christian when I was born, but he hadn’t always been.

At 26 years old, he was an admitted alcoholic, until his life was changed forever one night.

My grandmother was 6 months pregnant with twin boys when she experienced sudden, unexplained hemorrhaging. In the ER, the doctor discovered that the cause was uterine cancer. This resulted in her needing a total hysterectomy to save her life, at the cost of the babies. While waiting for an update, my grandfather fell to his knees and cried out to God. He swore then and there, that if He saw fit to save my grandmother’s life, he would spend the rest of his life serving Him.

The hysterectomy was successful and my grandmother made a full recovery. My grandfather never touched another drop of alcohol.  The faith he had in the Lord was so inspiring. He ended every conversation with ‘God bless you”, and never missed an opportunity to tell someone about the Lord.  He would inadvertently spoil surprises with his refusal to tell even a “white lie.” He was far from perfect, but he was my hero.

My grandmother was quieter in her faith.

She sang hymns to us as children, but also danced to Hank Williams Jr. and Travis Tritt in the dining room. She taught me to love ‘Amazing Grace’, (I still sing it to my son as a lullaby at night). She didn’t have an easy life, however I think that made her faith that much more inspiring.

She had 3 children, 2 boys and a girl. Her daughter had a heart murmur and contracted pneumonia at 2 years old, which resulted in her death. Six years later, her 14 year old son was involved in a hunting accident and succumbed to his injuries. She lost 2 children, as well as 2 unborn children, in the span of 6 years. That level of heartbreak is unfathomable to me, but her faith held firm.

We lost my grandfather to complications of Alzheimer’s Disease in April of 2010, a mere 4 months after their 50^th wedding anniversary. We knew it was coming, but it isn’t something you can properly prepare for. I was terrified that the loss of my grandfather would shatter my grandmother; she had endured so much loss already.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” – Matthew 5:4 NIV

My grandmother struggled with depression and anxiety the remainder of her life.

There were days that I heard her call out to God, asking why He took her loved ones, but not her.  My first reaction was shock. How could anyone question the Lord? But, it was a very human inquiry.

She was diagnosed with cancer again in 2015. In that same year, she was also diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease. Having been through an Alzheimer’s diagnosis with my grandfather, the idea of my grandmother facing that same decline was devastating. On the particularly hard days, I begged God to take her home and give her peace. I felt so guilty afterward, but I hated seeing her suffer.

As the end of her days drew near, I began to worry about her soul.

It was not something I had given a second thought to growing up. Nevertheless, knowing she was days away from leaving her earthly body, I was needing reassurance that she was going to our Heavenly home when she left here.  I tried to broach the subject with her on a few occasions, but she wasn’t lucid enough to have the conversation with me.

Around this time, the hospice chaplain reached out to visit her. His plan was to discuss her spiritual needs with her. However, he wouldn’t violate her privacy by sharing things they discussed in private.

This was the first of three visits that the chaplain had with her. After each visit, my update was only, “We had a wonderful talk.”

Once I knew her passing was imminent, I was able to be continually by her side. That time was truly a gift from God. I prayed for her, talked to her, and made sure she was kept comfortable. She passed peacefully four days later.

I spent the day she passed in a fog.

I knew there were things that needed to be done, but the hurt was so raw. I made funeral arrangements, I ordered flowers, and tried to stay preoccupied. The chaplain reached out while I was shopping for clothes to bury her in. He had it on his heart to share with me a conversation that he thought I might take comfort in.

He told me that on one visit, my grandmother was particularly lucid. They had a long conversation that day. At the end, he asked her if there was anything specific he could pray for her about. Her response was so simple and yet so powerful.

“Pray that my faith stays strong.” 

I immediately broke down, right in the middle of Kohl’s. Hearing that gave me a sense of comfort that I can only equate to being a small child, cradled safe and warm in my grandma’s lap.  After all she endured, knowing she was nearing the end of her journey, all she wanted was for her faith to sustain her. To me, that spoke just as loudly to her love for Christ as my grandfather’s verbally professed love.

My grandmother has been gone since November 13, 2020; I’m still trying to find what my new “normal” looks like. I am thankful that God lives in my heart – even when I’m by myself, I don’t have to go it alone.

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” – Deut. 31:8 NIV

Love, Brandy