“Be still and know that I am God” Psalms 46:10 KJV
This verse has always resounded with me. I have struggled with being still since I was a kiddo. I was always into something, moving constantly (mostly my mouth lol). In middle and high school, I was on the go: this school activity, this choir concert, a friend’s house, going to church. Go, go, go!! Even as an adult I felt as if I could somehow control things if I worked hard enough. I figured if I put in the work, I would eventually get what I was working toward.
I married the love of my life in February of 2005. Right away I knew I was ready to get started on making a family. We tried and we failed. We tried again, another failure. We went to different doctors, and they would always give me hope that I would be a Momma. But my goodness!! It was taking so long!!! We had one pregnancy, and I lost my sweet babe before I even knew I was pregnant. I was crushed, but I wanted to push harder and harder. This put a serious strain on my marriage. My husband and I separated, and my life was crumbling around me. I just couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get pregnant. We were doing everything right!! My entire life I had pictured myself pregnant, experiencing all the things that would go along with it. I was doing everything I could do!!! Everything EXCEPT the thing God wanted of me. BE STILL. Have faith and trust that the pieces of the puzzle would come together in His time, not mine. God hit me with that truth so hard one January morning, it was like a ton of bricks. It was time to follow God. I just had to come to terms that maybe being a Momma just wasn’t Gods plan for me. Or was it???
My husband and I reconciled, and the time we were apart made us realize how much we honestly love each other. Our marriage was in a place it had never been before, and I was head over heels (again) for my fella. We had friends that had adopted from foster care, and they told us about the process and the love they felt for their kids. In my heart I felt something, a type of reassurance that only He can provide. This is it. This is how God intends for me to be a mother. My husband and I began the process to open our foster home. In December of 2015 we were finally open!! We had decided on an age range of birth to ten. We got a call shortly after about a little girl, 10 years old. I felt that reassurance again. God was telling me this is it!! She is the one!! We received a call a few days later that she was not 10 years old, she was in fact 11. She was out of our age range. I didn’t care, God gave me that feeling that she was meant for us, that I was meant to be her Momma. She moved in with us on January 4th, 2016. I was head over heels in love with this kiddo!!! She was the one that was meant to make me a Momma, she was meant to make us a family.
February hit me with a hard blow, I had to have a hysterectomy. That was my final shred of hope in having a biological child. In that hospital room, this 11-year-old little girl held my hand and reassured me that it would be ok. I knew this was why I had to be still. God had a plan for me to be a Momma, but to a daughter that needed me more that I could have ever realized. We adopted her on August 11th, 2016, and God gave me such a gift with my daughter.
So, even when you think you can control the outcome, that you can change the path meant for you, God has that path in mind the whole time. Sometimes you just must be still, and He will give you what He has meant for you!!!
God Bless!
Virginia Thomasson
About the writer: A 40 year old wife and mother of one, a 16 year old daughter named Kaylee. Virginia has 2 dogs, 2 cats, a fish, and 18 chickens. She’s currently in nursing school pursuing as associates degree in nursing.
