Your Sweet, Cuddly Boy Will Grow Up to be a Smelly, Disgusting Man Child

No one prepared me for this day. NO ONE. For the last twelve-ish years I’ve went through life thinking that my little boy would continue to be this little ball of freshness that I would always want to snuggle up beside.

Boy was I wrong….

At about age twelve, things begin to change. They become annoying (which we aren’t even going to talk about that) but even more than that, THEY SMELL! Breath, feet, arm pits, farts, you name it- it becomes to unbearably disgusting. I’m gagging just typing this out.

Hygiene

He is now fourteen and you’d think things would be getting better in this department. When the smells started, we discussed the need for deodorant. Heck, I bought him deodorant. He always, since he was a newborn, has been bathed daily. He always, since he cut his first tooth, had his teeth brushed twice a day. Yet, the hygiene department for this fourteen year old, smelly man child has went on strike apparently.

But sadly, I don’t think he’s alone in this….

Boys are Gross

He had a friend stay the night the other day. That morning we went to breakfast. His friend has braces and I could tell- Homeboy didn’t brush his teeth. So I asked my son, “Did you brush your teeth this morning?” trying to break the ice and maybe his friend would fess up too. My son immediately begins to run his tongue across his front teeth. I guess to see if there was moss on his teeth (not sure) and answered me back with a “no.” (sigh)

His friend then laughed and said “I didn’t brush my teeth either.” (sigh again yet I also felt relief we aren’t alone)

I silently sat there and vomited in my mouth because at that same time I also began to get a whiff of a strong odor. It was an odor of an onion that had been chopped then placed out in the hot sun for about 48 hrs in an air tight container. Then after that 48 hrs, you pull back the lid and BAM- it hits you in the face!

Just Wear Your Deodorant

I immediately said “Did you all wear deodorant?” My son, lifts up his arms and begins sniffing his pits as if he can’t smell himself. I could from across the table!?

He replies with a “no.” BUT, his friend responds with a, “I did put deodorant on” as he nonchalantly laughs.

As I sat there across the table from him and begin to ponder the thoughts of…

“This kid will be driving in two years and cannot even put deodorant on without being told to do so.”

“He is gonna be the kid they make fun off because he stinks. Heck, they probably already do.”

“At least his friends have poor hygiene too so maybe they all stink and they don’t even smell it anymore” (barf)

“Where have you failed? You have trained him for fourteen years about hygiene. What else could you have done?”

Then it Hit Me!

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

Now, I don’t think the Lord meant hygiene when he had them pen this into the Bible, BUT it’s going to be my hope in this season of life.

I’ve trained him to bathe.

I’ve trained him to brush his teeth.

I’ve trained him to wear deodorant.

So if I’ve trained- I have to hold on to God’s promises that one day (it says when he is old- his poor wife- if he can even find a wife) he will not depart from it.

Can I get an AMEN from you other mommas out there?!

You’ve Been Warned

So you new mommas out there, cuddling your baby boys who you just lathered up real good with lotion. As you read this with them laying on your chest, fresh out of the bath and smelling like absolute heaven. Enjoy it now. Because before long – Your sweet little, cuddly boy will be a smelly, disgusting man child.

Ya’ll pray for me…

*Disclaimer- I love my son more than life, smelly or not : )

Love you friends