It took me a long to time to come to grips with this simple logic in my marriage. It probably took over ten years if I’m being honest. Early in our marriage, especially after having kids, two kids in diapers to be exact. I found myself bitter and resentful at times.
I was working full time. Coming home after dark to dishes piled in the sink and him propped up in his recliner watching reruns of Orange County Chopper. Sure, he had put the kids to bed but I’d think, “Hello? Do you not see all these dirty dishes?”
I would snap at times for his lack of help with household chores. It was a slow build. But when I did, it was a “Can’t you load the dishwasher?!” (My tone wasn’t polite)
I was bitter. I was resentful. I was angry.
He would always say, “If you want help, all you have to do is ask.” That response right there, would go right through me.
“Why do I need to ask? Look around. It doesn’t take much to see what needs done around here!”
Those were always my thoughts and sometimes even my rebuttal to his comment. I shouldn’t have to ask was where my mind focused always. So I would proceed as a stubborn bull and hold onto the reigns of all the household chores because I refused to ask an able bodied man, who has a brain to think for himself.
In the last few years though, something has changed in how I perceive this reoccurring theme in our home.
God began to show me how he designed men and women to be different but yet he gave us the ability to compliment one another. How we think as women is not how men think. Maybe as you read this you think, “My husband isn’t like this.” Well sis, if that’s you, God bless ya! I have a feeling though most women reading can relate.
God brought me to the scripture in Genesis when He made Adam and Eve. “It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18
Somehow, at some point, my mind shifted to the thoughts of-
He was designed to be different than me
He doesn’t think like I do, so I shouldn’t expect him to
God designed us to help one another. If all I need to do is ask (like he says), that’s what I’ll do.
From that point forward, it all changed…
Instead of demanding help in a frustrated, I’ve let this boil and build and now it’s boiling over kind of state. I’ve learned to ask in a way that shows him respect and allows him to feel needed in this union.
I went from “Can you not see the dishes need done?” to “Is there anyway you can put these dishes up while I go put the kids in the bathtub?”
You see, he is willing to help but he wants to feel respected all at the same time.
I’m sharing this in hopes that if you struggle in your marriage here, God will use this blog to mend this struggle.
I believe that God designed marriage to give us someone to help us through this crazy thing we call life. He designed in us the want to help our spouse also. Yet He also designed us completely differently (our brains included). How we nurture that design and approach it will make all the difference.
You may be in a place where you were like me and think “No way am I asking.” I pray that God softens your heart because I really believe, your husband wants to help you- You just need to ask.
Love you friends
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