Y’all, Mommin’ Ain’t Easy

“Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall.” Psalms‬ ‭55:22‬ NLT

Y’all, mommin’ ain’t easy…Society tells us to hide that fact away. “Don’t complain, they are the joy of your life!” Yes, my babies are my sunshine on cloudy days. You know what else they are?

My anxiety and fears.

I love my children with every piece of my being, but some days are just hard. Those are the days when I feel the doubts creeping in…when the voices in my head crank up the volume to remind me that I am flawed.

“Charlie is going to climb on something and fall, you know she gets her grace from her mama…Ari is bound to choke on a toy Charlie has dropped…” (Cue the anxiety attack – thanks postpartum!)

“You didn’t spend enough time with the kids today.”

“Remember all of those negative pregnancy tests you cried over? Now you ‘need’ a break?”

Like so many others, my family has been dealing with things that really wear you down…too many lost loved ones…a premature birth…strained friendships…the loss of normalcy in general.

In the Fall of 2020, our daughter was diagnosed with mild to moderate autism. They explained to us that it’s more of an umbrella term now, but before individual diagnoses were combined under the broader term, “Autism Spectrum Disorder”, she would have been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome.

The ASD diagnosis was both a relief (to be able to understand some of her behaviors) and jarring (What does she need? Am I equipped for this? Am I going to fail her?).

She is sensory sensitive and prone to tantrums when she’s told “no” or when her normal routine is disrupted.

My husband and I both took time off work for Christmas, so we had an uninterrupted 10 days at home together. We all had colds, so we had no choice but to stay home and relax. It was just what we all needed. Until, January 4th rolled around and Derek and I went back to work.

Even though it meant going back to her “normal” routine, Charlie had gotten used to the extra time with us. She became irritable and began having frequent meltdowns. Not just the old run of the mill tantrums, but full blown meltdowns. She didn’t want to participate in any structured activities, refused to eat much of anything and nap time was out of the question.

To add fuel to the fire, our son had a double ear infection and couldn’t sleep unless he was being held. You know what that means…

If the baby doesn’t sleep, mama doesn’t sleep.

No sleep, a cranky toddler and a full time job are the perfect recipe for burnout. Add in that booming voice, reminding me that I’m a complete failure as a mother and voila – one defeated mama.

Those voices of doubt tend to echo the loudest in our heads. I think it’s because they are the easiest for us to believe.

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:28‬ ‭NLT‬‬

God hears the prayers that our hearts call out, even when our minds can’t form the words. He sees us in our despair and wants us to call out to Him so that He can provide the comfort we seek.

He knew I was struggling, so He rained down blessings in my home.

Charlie’s speech is very delayed, so we celebrate every word. Over the weekend, she randomly came over, kissed me on the cheek (3 times!) and said, “I love you”. (Tears were shed.)

Her pre-school evaluation was scheduled for the following Monday. I was so worried about how it would go and what they might say about her. I had no reason to be. They were wonderfully kind to her. They explained things in detail to us and we left feeling heard and reassured.

On the way home, Charlie began counting to herself in the backseat. I heard her sweet little voice, “Bye, two, three, four, five”, and saw that she was counting her tiny fingers. (More tears were shed.)

While I was cooking dinner that night, she recited the alphabet to my husband, out of the blue. She was on a roll! “Proud” doesn’t begin to cover how I felt.

She then found her “Piggy Polish” (that she had refused to have near her before), gave it to her daddy and climbed in his lap to present her toes for painting. (Seriously, I’m keeping Kleenex in business.)

For her finale, she proceeded to eat her ENTIRE DINNER. A dinner comprised of 2 foods she had never tried! (Speechless)

After she went to bed last night, I sat and reflected on the past few days.

These things may sound small, they were anything but. Our Lord and Savior knew I was struggling for a multitude of reasons. He knew how desperately I needed some “good”. He more than delivered.

I share all of this to tell you, that little voice is exactly that. It doesn’t determine your worth. It doesn’t speak the truth. So, let me lay some truth down for you…

You are beautiful.

You are kind.

You are smart.

You are a wonderful mother.

It is ok if your child had Doritos for breakfast today (they’re only little once, right?).

It is ok if YOU had Doritos for breakfast today (It’ll be our secret.)

Your child(ren) is (are) so lucky to call you “mama.”

Needing some time to yourself does NOT make you a bad mother. (Self care is important – you can’t pour from an empty cup.)

Most importantly, Jesus loves you.

When that little voice starts tearing you down, turn down the volume on it and turn your thoughts to God. He will not forsake you.

Much love,

Brandy