So often you scroll through social media and you see depictions of what your mind tells you is a perfect marriage. Someone declaring their love for their spouse using very eloquent words. Or, you may see someone’s post with a bouquet of flowers that they randomly received at work from their significant other. I am learning to not focus on those things because there is so much more going on than what’s inside the frame of that picture or post.
Our Picture
If you look at the picture above. You see a picture of me and my husband. Within the frame you see a smiling couple. This was taken at a restaurant at Myrtle Beach so the backdrop around that frame is breathtaking. Nevertheless, most pictures do not allow you see what is going on outside of the frame. The what has been or what is to come.
Those buildings in the back may have scars on them from a previous hurricane that hit. You cannot see it within the frame, nevertheless it’s there.
A storm maybe coming in the back ground. What is within the frame shows beautiful blue skies. What it doesn’t show is a storm that is coming in from the horizon or a storm that just passed through.
Inside the Frame
People only want to frame the pictures that depict a certain persona of themselves or their marriage. What we all need to realize is there is so much more outside of that frame we know nothing about.
A girl posts a picture of her husband sending flowers to her for no reason- what you don’t see is maybe all night the night before she was up crying in her bed alone because her husband didn’t come home after a dinner party.
A couple proclaims their love to one another and describes their relationship as “perfect” or “soul mate” – what you don’t see is a relationship made upon lies from two people who have a distorted image of what love is.
I’m not saying every time you see this, there is always more to the story, there’s not always. However, we tend to focus on what is inside of their frame and compare that to what is outside of ours; the mess, the storms, the scars.
My Marriage
I am in a stage in my life that my focus is not on what I see in someone else’s frame but what is inside mine. The picture above shows a smiling couple inside the frame. What you don’t see (outside the frame) is a couple who months prior was in a place where if God’s grace didn’t step in they would not be where they are today. A couple that chooses to love each other each and every day. Two people, that if they both did not have a personal relationship with Jesus, would not be together today. A wife who can sometimes feels like she has no one to talk to and a husband who often feels like he’s just an extra person living in our home. What you don’t see are two people that work hard at their marriage.
We’ve said things we didn’t mean. We have hurt each other with our actions and words. We forgive. We apologize. We sometimes don’t talk or we give each other the cold shoulder. But everyday, we are home together, and we make a choice to love.
Your Focus
Don’t focus on what you see in someone else’s frame. Know that the frame only shows a tiny glimpse into the real picture.
Marriage is hard and if you are questioning your marriage because of what you see in someone else’s frames, please stop. Every marriage will have hard seasons. Marriage is a journey just like life with ever changing seasons.
Focus on what’s in your frame. Invest in what you see inside your frame. Work for what is in your frame.
We appreciate things more when we work hard for them. That is marriage. Marriage requires hard work. One day (I hope) you will sit back and be thankful you worked hard. One day, I hope you can enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Love you friends
