There was a place in our foster journey when I knew I had to prepare my heart to let her go. I was in a place of no control. My anxiety was spilling over onto my kids. I quite frankly, had to get it together. God placed the story of Moses and his mother Jochebed in my heart. I am so thankful that He did.
When you are a foster parent, the fear of losing your child that you have fallen in love with can become almost debilitating at times. The thoughts of letting go and returning them into an unknown environment requires a trust in God’s protection that I never knew existed up until this point.
How could I let her go? How could I let this baby who not only I love (we love) but I know loves me so much, go? How could I ever find the strength to do it? I would play scenarios out in my head to try to prepare myself for a day I truly felt would come. How could I do this to her? How could I do this to my kids? The agonizing thoughts were starting to control my days.
I started to read Exodus and the faith of Jochebed. You know, I really wish there was more about her in the bible because she was amazing in my opinion.
Jochebed
Jochebed, the mother of Moses, placed him in a basket and into the Nile river to save him from Pharoah’s order to kill the sons born at this time.
After hiding him for 3 months, she knew she needed to act. So, she began to prepare for his departure. She knew what she had to do. I know as a mother, she did not want to do this. Nonetheless she did it. She waterproofed this basket, an ark, which would be his protection as he ventured into the unknown.
The Ark
When we think of word “ark”, we immediately think of Noah, right? Well, besides that ark, another definition is:
- Sacred chest; presence of God among them (Merriam-Webster)
She KNEW God was going to be with him.
Just look at that faith!?
I don’t know about you but if that were me, I would have called it a casket. My faith would have been so weak (my faith always seems weak). I would have known I was sending my baby down that river to die.
Jochebed had faith that God was going to protect her baby.
The River
In that time Pharoah had declared the boys who were born to be thrown into the Nile River to die. This very same river also had crocodiles. It was a very dangerous environment for a baby to be in. The very river that was meant to take her son’s life, was going to become his place of refuge.
This was very powerful to me. As a foster mom, you don’t know what kind of environment you are placing this child back into. You can only trust it’s safe. You pray the people who are looking out for the child are doing right. However, the environment you are placing them back into may still be the same environment that caused them harm.
All I could do was pray, “If this must happen, please allow home to now be her place of refuge.”
Pharoah’s Daughter
If you read Exodus 2, after Jochebed placed Moses in the river, her daughter Miriam stood from a far to keep watch as to what would happen next. At that time, Pharoah’s daughter came down to wash herself at the river side. When she spotted the ark, she sent her maid to fetch it.
How scary this must have been? This was the daughter of a man ordering these innocent babies to die. What if she stays loyal to her father? What if she is as evil as him?
Thank goodness she wasn’t. She loved and cared for Moses just as if he was her own.
This made me reflect on my child’s possible future. God’s protection was so very obvious in the case of Moses. God had a purpose for his life. I also knew God had a purpose for my baby’s life.
A faith I have never been so certain of began to grow inside of me. A faith that if God could protect Moses in such a way He could and He WOULD also protect her!
Letting Go
This story, gave me hope. This story, gave me peace. This story, gave me faith. This mother with her admiring faith gave me a renewal of my faith in God. A renewed hope that He can and He will protect her just as He did Moses. All I needed to do was to surrender control, place her in the ark, and let go.
You may not be a foster parent. You may not be able to relate to this completely. However, there is something you need to let go of and place in that ark. Whatever looks to consume you, God can make your place of refuge. You must first, place it into that ark (where God is among them), let go of the fear, push it down that river, and allow God to take it. He will give you courage. He will give you peace. He will bring you out of that bondage.
Love you friends
Beautifully said
Thank you